dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize