We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
two words: eviction party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
