Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I touched a dick in church today
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
