if i can run in heels then i can drive
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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