I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is this the sara with the beer cane?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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