he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
