My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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