I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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