there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
