GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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