shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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