I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
