WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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