I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
