i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
