why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
