i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
