btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
