Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
