I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
