You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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