You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
