I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
