This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
