woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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