is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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