Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
