Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
