that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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