Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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