She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
