quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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