They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
