Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
