you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
