I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
