i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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