No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Vodka?
Forever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
