My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
