i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
