atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
