I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
