she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
