blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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