I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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