Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
