Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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