All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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