Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
