Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
