I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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