I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
