I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
