He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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