The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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