Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize