Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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