I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My feet surprised me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
