quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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