My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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