this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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