I'm lost and stupid without you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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