My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
