just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
