did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
