my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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