I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
