the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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