i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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