Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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