What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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