Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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