i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
