I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize